Wednesday, December 30, 2009

So ....Why am i feeling this way again??

Dear God,
I dun know why am i feeling that Quincey is not yet married .....just becos of what is written in my niece blog .....but sometimes i am just thinking ....and imagining things to be my way , dear lord please help me i am not suppose to think that way .....the fact is that he is married ....why must i keep trying to lie to myself .....that does not possibly be glorying you .....lord ....i switch on this thinkpad is not to dwell on this i am going to another post on the sermon that i said i will do .....nothing matters as long as chirst is preached .....yes it matters when Chirst is preached....Lord me in Jesus name Amen!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Today , a sunday

Dear God ,
Thank you for this christmas weekend, had a wonderful time with family and friends and lord i am so blessed ....they bought me presents.....actually wanted to blog about what i learn during today sermon but thot that i am too tired ....very sleepy now couldn't do a good job .... tomorrow perhaps .....anyway today....while watering the plants , suddenly i thot of my old parents who had done gardening together a week ago .....they had tidy up the plants .....and thot that i really have a pair of loving parents who work together to let us grow up to be useful persons .....and suddenly i feel that my parents are so great....although they may not be rich, nor pretty persons ....but they are such loving and respondsible people .....even the plants (although is not great looking) are being taken good care by them .....Yes at times they may quarrel , and argue but they prove to me that if you are not highly educated or just a simple jane will still be someone who can be happily doing the simple tasks and having the simple pleasures of life....sometimes is not that you need to look big for god ....but you need to let god feel big in you.....God , thank you for this pair of great parents.....bless them.....

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve, and i am at home

Dear lord today is christmas eve, and i am at home....oh what a boring person i am ....then no leh....haha....i did quite a lot of things today after work i went to Jurong point popular to buy a present for a Yueli's child,Leyi , back home wrap present, wash toilet, bath , then went downstairs for medicure and pedicure my nails look really nice , had dinner at Mac....coming back home , i listen to Pastor Benny Word in Season .....very satisfield .....just want to thank you God that you have given me this wonderful day.....

Yeah i want to blog about the message i heard from Pastor , and some notes i had written from life application bible when i have my quiet time ....the other day.....His message is on Hope for the hopeless Psalm about how we should prepare our hearts to meet God .....being humble , and like a weaned child , we should have a rested soul and a hope in us ....he mentioned that that hope is to life, is as seeds to the earth ....O lsrael, put your hope in the lord both now and forevermore ......Well, sally of today trust in this verse and surely she knew that God will make it come to in Sally of today have this hope in her, that makes her remember (Romans 8:28 and we know that in all things god works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purposes)....and (Jeremiah 29 :11 For i know the plans i have for you, declares the lord , plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future).....Do you know why Sally believes that God would not fail her .....becos she had wrestle with God all these times .....and she had reached a state , that her soul is rested and she knows and she knows that God will in His time make everything beautiful for His people , so be His loved ones ....if you are still not one .....

Talking about Jeremiah 29 :11 ...there in my bible is stated this ....As long as God, who knows the future, provides our agenda and goes with us as we fulfill his mission, we can have boundless hope.This does not mean that we will be spared pain, suffering or hardship, but that God will see us through to a glorious conclusion.....Amen!

A reminder ....A lack of continual gratefulness to God often indicates that we are taking the goodness of life for granted.....

Lord, thank you for this time that i could present what i learned to you .....may i grow deeper and deeper in love, till the day i see you face to face .....and heard you saying to me .....Well done, good and faithful servant ......Amen!

Always in You, loving and trusting You,
The Ugly but nice Sally :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas is Coming ....

Dear Lord,
Christmas is coming , this year i am going to make fruit jelly for my work place celebrations....i had also bought presents for all my family members ....and yeah...on christmas day i will meet secondary friends for a gathering going to be eventful for the next few days....then again at the back of mind ....there is two things that is bothering me, one is work ....there is alot of stuff to be done .....then again i am in festive moods and not really able to concentrate and do the things....lord is not an excuse right ??Lord help me.....The second is that i am waiting to go for checkups at SGH for lump discovered on my breast ......2 to 3 mths ago i have constant pain at my breast and is inverted not going off decided to see a not first time i realise i had lumps on my breast....last year the other breast had it and recovered ......i hope this time round will heal too....Lord, i believe you are a healer , since you had heal me so much for the past, i know i will be heal too this time .....Sunday sermon on faith, hope and love.....i want to apply it to my situation now .....and i know that with much faith, a hope in you and great love from You.....i know that whatever condition in the end i suffer, i know my joy is in You....Amen!

Love you,
Sweet, Simple, Satisfield Sally

Friday, December 18, 2009

2 cor 5:17-19

Hi God ,
I was reading at the verse a few days ago while doing quiet time....remember is a verse i have for Quincey's birthday....(ha, wondering how he was he now happily spending his time with wife, hope he is , may their lives glorify your name)....coming back to what i had learnt from quiet time ....a thot come back to me ....during YMM days ...amongst the last sermon i attend with Quincey is about this too....message of reconcillation.....oh no god what is the matter with me ....enough of Quincey....and just write what have you learnt .....In my life application bible (a gift from my cell-mates , so blessed right ....thank god for frens ) they make a real difference in my life .....Sally....can you go back to main point .....why huh ??Today what happen to you?? the bible is said christians are brand new people on the inside.It requires a new way of looking at all people and all of creation.Does your life reflect this new perspective ??
Year end is coming, and seriously reviewing back on my life for this whole year is indeed a year both of growth (pastor benny thots )and of sacrifice(Cell leader Chris thots).....Well, how should i put it ....guess in my heart i know how this two truths is being so real but i couldn't put it in thots here ....lord you understand right ??hmmm.....does my life reflect this new perspective ....guess i only know that whether the old me doing the thinking or the new sally doing the thinking ....i should put all thots under that of chirst ,our lord ambassador for God am i doing it to reflect that character of reconciliation??
.....Be willing to be part of the solution to those problems and in so doing, share the love of Christ praying this prayer he was also willing to be part of the answer to that prayer if God would so choose to use him.....i dun know where did i manage to copy the above from....but guess i want to learn from him....willing to be part of the answer to that prayer if God would so choose to use me ....Amen! Good night , God ....may i have a wonderful coming weekend....thank you lord....Love you, Sally

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Hi God, i eat six leh....

Dear lord, eat six leh....i am doing 101 things at work but not work....terrible me .....lord let me be able to do the right thing at the right time .....i feel that i am cheating the organization lord , grant me full concentration that i will make good use of time to produce work .....and not doing things that will not glorify you.....but lord you know what i did right ??Nothing matters , as long as i know i am doing things that is what you plans for me to do .....Thinking of someone now....hopes everything is fine for him.....haha....Sally, watch up....don't make the mistake you make so many years ago.....if he is for you he will eventually be with you....if not guess, i know i still have the joy of the lord.....Amen!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Dear God, thanks for today....

Dear God,
Thank you for this day....had a good day working and talking to my niece and nephew ....thanks for friends who have pray for me cell group,Rigine ....and my loving parents who care for me so much .....reminding me to take my medicine ..... anyway not all friends give good advise ....guess i need to pray for direction....and yes lord just want to thank you for the tuition i got ....for next year .....thinking of my future ....and i am so hopeful becos i am secure that my love is anchor in the life that you had given up 2000 odd years ago....Amen!lord bless the people i have and meet, may the love of christ in me may touch their hearts that they will repent their past sins ....and strive to live a life full of your love and grace .....Amen!I want to continue to love you with all my heart , my mind and my soul.....Amen!Amen! Amen!

Love from princess,

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Dear Lord, i pray that i will sleep

Dear lord,
Please let me sleep tonight and let me be able to concentrate on work tomorrow .....i am terrible .....guess i just know that things is going to turn up alright ....Right, Amen!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Dear God , how i wish i could call someone

God ......i wish i could talk to someone .....someone whom i wish like when i took the car ride .....but no lor i am not able to terrible ....terrible ......what should i do , i will pray about it ....then.....hope that i can really brace up .....

Stop being such a fool

Sometimes lord, i think i am a fool....jus recover from my past hurts ....and i am falling into it again....terrible could i make myself like that .....well the person is .....someone in cell, and the terrible thing is i cannot touch him....he got a gf already .....and lord i am jus being someone who is a fool.....sometimes when i think of it i think i should apply divine guidance and that is decision of discipline .....lord help me ok....

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

It's 25th ,one more day and it will be church camp

Dear God,
Tomorrow is church camp....Yahoo....looking forward to a great time listening to your word and fellowshipping with other sisters and brothers in Christ .....lord prepare my heart and open my mind , renew and refresh me .....
When i came back from Cell yesterday , i had a good chat with Terrence.....haha.....really enjoy the ride back.....sometimes i feel that is good to just chat about anything that comes to mind agendas , nothing pretensential ......i hope Terrence would not find me a burden.....,well had enjoy cell....studying revelations with the group ....yes lord i want to continue to live my life , serving you and people , and knows that is you that works through and in me ....letting people know of your great love , your mercy and grace.
Just now i had lunch with one of the auntie who cook a nice simple lunch for us .....lord although she is a buddist and don't believe in you....but i hope through my way of living she will come to accept you one of these days .....lord have mercy on them ....may you be so real to them as you are to me .....

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

It's a Tuesday, and thank God for it

Dear God,
Had wake up thinking about Quincey again....and during journey to work had thought that it would be a not so nice day again.But thank God, i read a book ....and summit my thoughts to you and towards the end of the day and is not that bad afterall....had a good lesson with students and i am looking forward to cell meeting later......yes, lord whenever i am feeling down i need to remind myself to look up to you....and i will find You smiling down at me, and said "Girl, i am in control....dun look to circumstances ....but to me, ya "....and i know deep in my heart you will never forsake or leave me ....and this is my assurance....Amen!
Had written my thanksgiving testimony to YA again....but i am not emailing it out yet ....becos i dun know will i have new insights when i went for church camp on the 26th to 29th....yeah....i expect myself to be renewed in this church camp.....filled with holy spirit to continue the race in the years to come......Lord, say a prayer here, thank god for today i am looking forward to tomorrow, lord bless me with concentration to be able to finish my work....let me be able to complete the work before i went for my church camp next week.....let it be a job well-done .....doing my best for it ....last lord i thank you for my father ,mother and family may they come to know of your great love for them.....thank you that my father is feeling better towards me .....not so annoyed by me.....lord continue to shine on me so that i too can be light and salt to the people around me jesus name Amen!

Always loving you ,
Sincere, Shiny, Special Sally.....YES!YES!YES!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A quarrel with Dad

Dear God,
You know what happen yesterday night right ??I hate myself for being so lazy, so insensitive towards my dad's comment .....and lord i hope that what i do will not pull him away from You.....Lord you know his mind and heart....please soften his heart and pull down the walls that is blocking him to come to know your peace and joy always hurts me when he said things like i called myself christian that is why i don't respect nor being fillial to him.....lord how can i show him that You are indeed a loving God that loves us all.....when my behaviour towards him was so bad....the thing is that it have been sometime that he is really angry with me....i don't know what can i do to earn the favour of him.....he seems to be very against me and hostile to me ....lord what did i do wrong ?? Sometimes, i feel that i am such a poor testimony of You....wanting you to dwell in me to produce much hope , but incapable of doing even the simple thing of loving my dad, who had given me so much, so much ......lord can you put things into a better way for me .....sometimes is terrible just the terrible me who don't know how to deal with people and things.....lord please give me more wisdom to be able to relate to my dad, my colleugue , my mum , to the people who matters to me....let me know how to handle things and circumstances that comes my way....not only in crying helplessly but in changing and transforming myself to let the matter glorifys you.....lord, help jesus name Amen!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Good Weekend,thank God

Dear God,
I have a wonderful weekend, doing volunteer work with sgcares and on sunday a good worship with the church as GMC celebrates 39th annversary .....i am 34 this year ....the church is set up five years ahead of me and Quincey is 44 ,the church is set up five years later when he is born not really signifcant ....silly me, God why must i mention Quincey again....but then again during the worship at the anniversary .....a song sang reminds of him again.....this christmas is the first christmas he spent with his wife.....lord bless them that they have a wonderful time together, let them treasure each other in this festive season....knowing that they are a gift for each other from God, just like Jesus ,your son.God as for me, hope i will enjoy the year end session....with family and friends ......may your hope in me produces value in the lives of people that i meet, have .....may i continue to abide in you, as you lead and guide me ......lord thank you the weekend....and hope that many more will come jesus name ,Amen!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Well, God I am rather ill-discipline

Dear God,
You know how lazy i am these few days ....wanted to log on after work at home....but keep not doing it ....there is a few matters that i need to settle and well....i am not doing it ....terrible ....and well, guess i am very thickskinned too .....contacted kelvin again....but no i am not thinking of going out with him nor having thoughts that we will ever be togther .....guess i just want to find out how he was , whether he got himself another new the first place, i dun really know whether he treat me as his girlfriend.....well....maybe i will never know .....guess i should stop to blog about the past but looking forward to the dreams that i have.....
Btw, God i complete 2km out of the 5km of run on last sunday by running ....guess i must thank Ros for encouraging me throughout the race , at least i complete the whole 5km.....well god, you remind me that you sent friends to support me in the spritirual race too.....Ros, remind me of thinking of the postivies....the can dos ....and not dwelling on the cannots and negatives .....race is about running ahead ....and abandon the past....Yes, lord i want to keep running the race holding my hands tightly to you.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

When a woman discovers her dream

Dear God,
I had read the book title above .....yes, learn alot ....and i am going to pass the book to Sharleen, my cell group member....guess i want to encourage her to dream on the things that You have for us all.....and yes God , i am working on my dream too ....tough but i am going to get going .....ha thought what a co-incident .....when i write about the burst of dream i come across this book .....lord i have lots of dreams .....teach me lord to take a step by step plan to fulfill my dreams.....not mine but yours that you have in mind for me to carry up .....yes whether in the end it burst , or never happen .....or it came to pass .....i know if i handed it into your hands will make things beautiful for me in your time.....bless me lord .....enlarge my territory .....prayer of J....dun know what ....haha....backdated ....but is what i know i should pray now.....remind me to keep walking with my hands hold tight in yours .....Lord, i love you....

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Well God, the dream burst ,What's next ??

Dear God,
The dream that i will end up with Quincey ended ....i cannot cling on to the dream anymore what is next ??I won't want to fall for another person again.....and lord i trust that you want me to be a good daughter, sister , aunty and friend to my family and friends now ....and yes not to forget to be a good worker .....lord, let me be able to do that and focus on that.....the dream is a past.....guess everyone had a past, like the past that i had before i fall for Quincey, like Quincey been my past after Kelvin came into my life.....then again.....i realise that all these persons are not people that will stay in my life....well, life still goes on without them guess .....and yes all of them had brought meaning to my life .....and i know people that i am going to meet in the future will also brought meaning to my life .....lord let me continue to be a blessing ......knowing well that you are the hope of our lives , and yes no matter is a joyous event or that of a hurting event .....we know you are in control....You will be our victory ....and i know that no matter what other kinds of dreams i had in the future, whether it come to pass or it burst ....i know i put them in your hands .....and i trust that you lead me and guide me to feel,say , think in a way that is glorying You.....Dream burst, yes but i know my all is in good hands ,in yours.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

God bless Quincey's Marriage

Dear Lord,
May you grant Quincey a blessed marriage , had asked my sister more about him when my sister called just now ....well, memories of him flooded my mind again....guess letting go also means that i dun talk about him anymore .....becos he leads his life and i mine .....what is the use of keep mentioning about a man who never, or ever will come to love you....dun you think is jus stupid and boliao me .....stop letting me think of him again....well my tears had stopped but my heart ached still.....lord ....bless his marriage....may they be able to bless the rest with their coming together for me lord .....let me not to sms nor call kelvin no matter how lonely i felt .....just stay the way i am ....think being single is a choice , if i had make the choice ....then stick to it .....well i guess maybe to be married or to be single does not matter as long as what you do glorifys god and is in his will for you ....and that is what really matters ....May Quincey and his wife leads such a meaningful life , loving and giving to each other knowing that their love is anchors in your love .....may every word they spoke to each other be eifying to each other ....may their offsprings be such beautiful and obedient children ....and worship you as a family who loves and obeys your words .....lord bless them abundantly that their love could be a lasting legacy that for generations to come ....their coming together may glorify your name , may they live such simple yet meaningful lives loving each other with the deep love of christ for His church.....and they may have children that knows that they are deeply loved by their loving parents ......and lord i pray that they are such good parents that they discipline their child the way it should be .....lord always uphold their marriage ......Quincey .....blessed marriage .

Monday, October 5, 2009

Make Beautiful by You

Dear God,
When i was on my way to work, a thought surfaced, if there is ever a guy who will come to accept and love me, as christ for the church, i know i will radiant with beauty.The fact that i am loved by him ,I will want myself to look beautiful for him, and to show the happiness .....then again, if there is no guy who will ever love me that means i will be ugly for the rest of my life.....i dun want that to be a truth in my i must make this a fact in my life that is i am loved by Jesus, and therefore i could be beautiful too .....Maybe, Jesus may not be tangible as a person, but He is someone in my heart ....and i know he lives in me .....Well, the knowledge of Him dearly loving me, should also radiant me with therefore , whether i am loved by a man in the end, will not matter but the fact that Jesus loves me , can make me look beautiful for the rest of my life.....Amen!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Biblical injustice

Dear God,
Had went to pastor benny talk ....he never touch on the natural calamity that ends life....he talks about biblical injustice ....It is when someone takes away another person's life, dignity ,or the fruit of their love and labor .....well...well ....guess when the word justice is used can mean so many things .....well, i hope that after the busyness of this week....i could write to Pastor to tell him how i see this word justice ......injustice is the abuse of power ..... a few points to note we need to look into the pain of the oppressed, the plot of the wicked , the passion of the church and the person of God......we must realise the pain of the suffering, kill the roots of where the plot of the wicked is , the people of God need to pray and act upon it and the person of God as God will always come to the christians since we know the joy and peace of the lord we should take his word into the world ....and not enjoy and died in our own churches without spiritual purposes in life .....Lord , help me to understand what pastor is teaching amen!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

God, Are you a justice God ??

Dear lord, i will be going to pastor benny ho talk on god of justice......if you are a just god ....why does you let innocent people suffer ?? What is in your mind when you sent calamity all over the world.....have heard of all those calamities that is happening .....lord, why why why ??and well, been seeing a video on youtube about a handicapped resident complaining about his plight of not been help by the MP .....well.....who is respondsible for all these ??The more i ponder i discover that God you are keeping slient .....been withdrawn about all those things that happen.....Lord how can i trust you when all you do is keeping all so quiet about everything .....if you are a just God, what is happening to the world .....why dun you act .....or should we act ....are you expecting us christians to act .....Lord answer me please .....

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I was just wondering

Dear God,
I was just wondering ....why did i love Quincey so much , so much .....maybe is because that i had not know him much so i dun know his flaws i love him so much....but lord, when i come to think of it ....loving someone is that you accept that person with his flaws and all is a conviction and joyful willingness ....maybe i should not blog about Quincey anymore but this is what i want to tell you God.....Although Quincey had not much time spending with me ...his time with me ....i will always remember....Galaians 5:1 a verse he tell me and there is always the memory of it .....for freedom that God has set us not be yoke by slavery .....i remember taking his car back ....for that one time....after our servant project in Yishun.....the happiest time i have with him .....although is just a car ride ....i would not forget it in my lifetime was this car ride ....that i know he is Quincey ....a person who is free in Chirst, having the confidence in our lord, his faith in Him, his love for, no other men can replace his place in my heart, but God you are the only person i put first place.

In my dairy, is stated that in 1999 i wrote a note to Quincey....i had forgotten about that note ....yes 10 years back i started to have a liking for him the year 2000 that i know i love him....then events follow .....he get to know my feelings ....but he does not have feelings for me ....and yes after ten years , he found his partner , and he is getting married soon and i should not always blog about him.....he lead his life , and i ,mine .....our paths will never meet again.....let go , Sally .....sally dun hurt yourself anymore , could already walk so far ....dun go back to not worth it ....exactly i cried so hard so hard , in the years before, for him in the hospital.....becos my heart hurts.....he rejected me , he did not like me ,then again a friend reminds me that not all persons you like, will like you back....but God , this is not like is love .....i could like so many persons out there , but i can only love some , God wants you to love all and not some .....anyway is because of his rejection of me ....that i know God's love is not like that of human love .....His love is boundless , forever ....i should have thank Quincey for letting me know your love , without his rejection .....i would never come to know that God you are so great .....without his rejection ....i would never have been the Sally of today .....yes is through his rejection and been saved by God's love ....that i know ...Sally will go on till one day she is going to face God ......although her dreams of kissing Quincey's eyes won't come true , but she know that Quincey is being taken good care by his wife and she will be happy ....Quincey, love your wife not easy to become husband and wife....treasure her since is your choice .....remember loving means accepting, caring and commiting .....(that is Geok Mui's rainbow prayer).....who is Geok Mui then??haha....Guess , Guess .....

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I need to be focus ,God

Dear lord,
I am not able to focus and do my work ....been trying to get work done but been rather distracted.Had a dream last night, all my family members is getting ready for a big event, they are perparing to sent out cakes, and my dad was packing new shoes to be given away to uncles.....yeah, is that they are getting ready for my marriage .....stupid me, i dun have a boyfriend and i dream of being married .....haha.....but is a happy dream lor ....becos i was excited over the event in my dream .....and yes the bridesgroom is Quincey....He went to Perth to earn lots of money to marry me that is why my dad and mom were so willing to marry me off becos they got a big bridal package.....well, well ....Sally indeed Quincey is getting married but is not you lor .....dun let your imagination runs wild .....he leads his life and you lead yours .....but God .....can't i jus have some happy moments although is not for real.....see, bargaining again.....what is the use , sally .....why dun you get out of your bondage with Quincey and get on with life .....Hongzye tell you the news is to let you wake up.....wake up my dear Sally .....With the help of God, You, i know i will be heal.....haha....anyway i could not control my dreams .....dreams will be dreams ....dear .....Welcome back to reality....there is lots of work that awaits you.....Sally , go go go , get back to work....Yes, God , no matter what happens ....i know God you will be with me Amen!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Thinking about things ....

Dear God ,
Guess you know what i did jus now .....lord sometimes i jus wish that i am not the way i am ....terrible .....very terrible ....been thinking that should i delete these posts that i wrote here in the morning ....then again when i think back i should not ....becos is just exactly what i want to write to you lord.....although it is really that private ....then again....i think there is nothing private about me .....i am just a simple lady ....who writes to God what her mind and heart is thinking .....sometimes lord , i would feel that i am so lucky , so blessed with all things .....why must i long for something that i want ....when all i have is with me .....does having a boyfriend makes any differences in my life ....maybe it does make me more focus in loving someone ....then again....i have so many people in my life to love nephews and nieces , my sisters and brothers , and most of all my parents ....yes my dear parents .....i need to love them with jesus love for me .....then there is my job ....where i could put my heart in ....there is also my hobby ....painting .....all these will take up my time and efforts....why must i cling on to Kelvin , who never really make a difference in my life .....there is still lots of people who need to be showered with God's love if i am that vessel of God ....why am i not fulfilling my calling to be one ....why must i go on wasting my energy on doing things that does not benefit me nor the society .....nor god's kingdom.....Sally. think....really need to think of the things that matter ....the things that matter to God .....dun let your own agendas fulfill that of God's agenda for out your life what you want to do with your life that matters and this calls for discernment of God 's plan for your life ....dun waste your life on things that do not matter ....but make your life count in God's everlasting kingdom.....Sally think .

Monday, September 21, 2009

Dear God, oh why am i not enjoying my singlehood ??

Dear Lord,
I had sms kelvin, with the following : -Hi Kelvin can u love and care for me more ?Can you spend more time with me ?Can you make me fall in love with you??I am jus a simple lady who wants to be loved, well i am unsure myself, sometimes i want you so much, sometimes i jus feel u are not the one for me.....Lord, maybe i am lonely, lord maybe i jus want to feel loved, lord maybe i jus want to love somebody .....but lord i have you loving me , and i can love you with all my heart .....why must i sms kelvin with the message i ready to commit into a relationship ....the problem is that i commit myself to him even before i ask myself that question .....messing up my life .....not only to kelvin , but also to Quincey .....the thing is i never get to know them better .....why must i love them so much when i dun even know them jus something i know .....i am making mistakes .....sometimes .....i hope i can really know somebody well, before i come to like them .....but no lor ....when you know them well will get to know their flaws and never like them liao.....lord, i pray you uphold me , and let me lead my single life jesus name Amen!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

God, new normalcy....

Lord, from the facebook Kevin Foo had shared about new a timely reminder to me would not go back to normal anymore after learning that Quincey is getting married.....becos there the hope in me died.....well, when something died it produce in itself a birth of something new.....yes, a new normalcy .....there are jus too many things i want to do now....yes, i should make myself busy by doing these things instead of dwelling on the thoughts that Quincey will never be mine ......i have come so far , and i need to go further, yesterday i chanced upon my writings in the year 1999....ten years back.....yeah....a time where i struggles real hard .....but i know my faith is built up through these years ....., yes i want to paint more, write more, read more, pray more .....quiet time i have 2 cor 10:5 ....every thought of mine should be under the captive of the obedience of Chirst .....may i walk in this new normalcy.....and be changed and transformed by your love.....Amen!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

God, smack my head,ya

God, a friend reminds me that if there is thoughts of Quincey, i need to smack my own head and stop thinking and say a prayer to stop the bondage ....God, thank you for friends like her.....and those who stand by me all these years .....been knowing that having Quincey or no Quincey does not make a difference but in the years that passed all these years i get to know the friends you put into my life had been always my support God smack my head, if i again start to feel sad becos of someone that does not add value in my life ......He leads his life and i lead my life .....and i know that in my heart, he will always be a dear brother of mine, someone i know although does not have value in my life .....but had in a way let me know the value of other people in my life .....someone i dearly love, but i know i should not hold on .....may his wife love him and care for him dearly and they had a happy family .....lord , thank you for giving truths to survive all these years ....yes hard facts .....well no matter how is going to be .....i know your love will never end .....never ......smack me lord if i need to.....thank you lord , amen!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Dear God, you are my comfort

Lord, there is tears in my eyes....guess you know why....although i, myself dun even know the reason....what is there to hold on, lord why must i dream unfair to his wife....i dun want to have these dreams, take him out of my life, out of my dreams ....he is never meant for me .....why must i torture myself .....Sally, i thought you are having a good time, having all that you enjoy, having all the people who care for you and now you are complaining jus because of a circumstance .....God ....there are so many out there who are suffering.....why am i not being able to be glad in my current position ......Sally, be contented ....i thought you just wrote happiness is having a wise mind and a wonderful heart .....are you having it ??Guess, God happiness also include being free ....without any bondages , without any worries ....but will we be able to do it ?Guess, God you are the only one who knows it all, you are my comfort and strength and i know is only you i need most.....lord help me, yes i am going to rejoice no matter what is going to happen, faith must come before feeling , and fact ....may my faith be that from You, a loving Lord, above all, in Jesus name Amen!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Trusting You Lord, is it hard ?

Lord this morning when the pastor preach about wisdom of God .....and trusting in your wisdom , i start crying .....because in my mind ....i had always thought that whatever is going to happen to me is this and that ....and i know there is a part of me who refuse to let you in let you help me to acheive more .....i thought i am the control of my life ....just take the example of loving Quincey.....and knowing so well that he is getting married .....i know is God's will for me to open myself for other good guys who will come into my life .....i cried .....becos i know that a part of me had stubbonly hold on that since i had love quincey so deeply ....i can't possibly be falling in love with others .....guess if i trust in you ....and my desire is to be married .....i should not be bonded by all these .....i should be free .....then again....i did try letting go ....i did try talking to guys that i know i like .....but too bad always disappointments that i have ....and that include the relationship i have with kelvin.......lord, you know sometimes is not that i dun want to acknowledge that you are wise and you are in control .....but it also takes faith from us to trust you.....when we have put in so much, so much and what if in the end your answer is a no.....just like the case in Quincey....what will we do ....will we still proclaim that you are good, will we still want to partner with you to do good trying for me ....but i know i am in refiner's fire ....and this diamond of yours will be an invaluable one, sparkling in the darkness light .....who will pick this diamond up from the dust .....only a man who knows the value of diamonds......A man after God's own heart and know why does this diamond shines .....

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Thanks,thanks,thanks....My lord

Dear God,
Thank you so much that you see me through .....i had come to realise that however i long for Quincey .....i know that if it's your will i will seek after .....bless him lord ....abundantly ....and lord let your healing in me be able to produce much love for the people i know and meet .....they are so lost without you....they are just sheeps that need a good shepherd like you.....lord bless these people .....thank you god for all that you make me go through ....and thank you god for the more things that you will want me to go though.....i know with you i will not lost my way.....mountains and valleys , sweetness and bitterness, hard facts and soft issues is to live forward and understand backwards .....amen, amen, amen......lord without you ....i could not be where i am now .....yes take me deeper .....deeper in love with you......In jesus name Amen!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

God's will for me - what is it ??

Recently I told my friends and my sister that , i will be glad with God if he gives me a partner becos it's my heart desire, and i will also be glad with God even if he never give me a partner in the end, becos i got lots of time to do my own stuff.....Lord why must i stuggle so hard to know your will.....i have the above statement to defend you, because i want to love you, God .....and i know the statment is truly from my heart, but is a obvious fact that i dun trust you enough to provide what i desire.....if i truly am trusting you.....i know you will answer all my prayers in your ways .....letting me know that in you alone, i could have my trust .....the thing is the answers of my prayers may not be in a way that i thought it would be, becos your thoughts are always higher,when i thought that i know all , i was humbled by the fact that becos of your love for me best answer for my own life may only be the most foolish answer in your will for me.
Yes, lord all i know is that i want to continue to hold on tight to your hands, as you guide and lead me, help me to understand that living God's will is a daily business, we could not see the future without having to lead today , is through your eyes i want to live my life.....uphold this lady whose heart longs to worship you alone , loving and caring for the people around because she knows she is dearly love by you.....Amen!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Letting Go ....wasn't that diffcult afterall

Dear God,
After all the stuggles that i face ....i cried, i prayed, i bargained .....everything that i can possibly do ....i had done .....and i know and i know that i could not run away from the fact that Quincey is getting married ......sometimes we just had to pluck up all our courage to face something that we dreaded to face.....and sometimes when you think is impossible ....God make it possible for you ,right God ??
Well, i dun want if i could choose, to believe that Quincey is getting married.....but fact is that he had never called me .....nor want to keep me in contact .....the obvious fact .....that he does not have feelings for me,for all these years is a clear sign .....why must i lie to myself ....and keep finding hope from the bible to believe a untrue fact, this does not mean i am having faith , is jus denying the truth......i know that a part of me is behaving that way and another part of me is claiming isaiah 61:1-2 , knowing well that God will come to heal my broken heart and make me whole .....sometimes is not what you wants that matters , but how god is using your life for his glory that matters ....and for this i know that i must be strong .....and accept the fact that Quincey is going to be happily married and i should pray for his marriage ......his wife must be of good substance .....holy, pure , gentle , wise etc.....i know Quincey is a choosy man, he won't settle for someone who is not up to his standard .....maybe is God's standard for him.....
As for me .....haha.....the silly me who keeps writing nonsense not able to produce something of substance ......but i know God ,you, see me as a beautiful vessel of your love who knows and loves you .....and yes, although how diffcult it will be in the future i know and i know i have you ,God , whose hand i stubbonly cling on know that letting go and letting God wasn't as diffcult as it suppose to be.....Lord bless me !

Monday, August 17, 2009

God ,There is a time....

God there is a time .....that i thought Quincey would come to love me.
God there is a time ......that i thought in the end , i would be with Quincey.
God there is a time ......that i was so hurt when Quincey was leaving to Perth.
God and now this is the time ....that i am so sad that he is getting married....
But lord i know through it all.....i have You .....And you will carry me thorough no matter how tough is it .....i know i would be more than a conquerer ....Amen!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Quincey, lord bless him

Dear God,
I decided to switch on my laptop and write to this blog becos when i was lying on my bed trying to get sleep, my thoughts go to Quincey again.....i know i should not have mention him anymore but the truth is that he is so much alive in my mind and heart .....there is so much that i want to tell much ,so much.....
Cried again today while with cell doing worship, thought about the past ....knowing that the future i am not to include him into my picture anymore ......there are alot of thoughts .....his wife must be very pretty....very gentle .....very nice .....just like him .....i want to be their friend.....but guess Quincey had never want me to be his friend.....hope that one day i could see little Quinceys running around
My cell leader had sms us late last week that if Jesus were to come back again how will we live our lives today?Know what, my first thought went to Quincey.....becos before they left Perth they are saying they are going to heaven (they said living in Perth is like heaven)....and when he mentioned that ....i have this idea that Quincey is coming back ....haha just like Jesus coming back to earth.....
Sometimes thoughts can be so "creative".....naive .....yet i know i live in reality so there is nothing i could do.....
Seriously, if you ask me the question if jesus is coming back to earth how would i live my life ??i won't change anything .....guess ....i had already been doing my best for Him.....and guess i know He will be satisfield with me ....and i know there are still areas i can improve on guess i need to continue this walk with him with earnest prayers and repentance , making the most out of everything and with everything i have use it to glorify his kingdom.....guess that include giving my time, money,heart and life for Him.....Amen!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

God , heal me

Dear God,
Today i received news that Quincey is getting married not surprising right ??Because he had a girlfriend already so natuarlly the next step is getting married ....i should be happy for him....guess i really should ....the thing is that i cried because there is still pain in my heart ....lord let me say a prayer for him and his soon to be wife ....Lord may you bless this couple a loving heart towards each other , may their coming together glorify Your name, may they be united in their spirits and as they live together may they provide to each other needs, giving and helping each other to fulfill their destiny in You....let them have such wonderful time with each other and realise that yes,lord you have make everything beautiful for jesus name Amen....Lord i say a prayer for myself ....lord help me to be sane in knowing that Quincey is no longer available .....and let me be able to let go .....guess i had try holding on too long a love that is not love .....a decomposite love .....guess i am going to be ok soon....lord i also want to thank you for a great birthday....had a spa . prayer session and pastor Benny talk....sometimes i thought of my rainbow prayer ....sometimes i thot of things that i wrote .....and it always hurts me ....becos what i prayed is always not the answer that turns up to be .....Sally rise up ....dun turn back .....come a long way and you are still going to go a long way ok??God thanks for telling me that ....haha.....In jesus name Amen!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Money Again....

Dear lord ,
Yesterday i cried ....over the fact that my mom had commented that i stirred up trouble becos i asked for ang pao for my birthday.....
is money problem again.....lord when can i feel that i dun need to worry about money .....lord why must i choose money instead of you.....i think is becos i had no wisdom in spending my money .....had took up a arts course that cost me quite a lot .....but i think i want to do it .....maybe i should be more prudent but i am not.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I am so vain,God

Dear lord ,
Over the weekend i am so vain, i do manicure and pedicure , put face mask , buy clothings etc. aiyo lord , terrible me ....but guess i am happily doing all this .....lord guess most important thing is that i remember that all these is make possible by what you had given me.
On a more serious note , lord i feel that i am not willing to give my time to help someone .....i had wrestle the thought of should i give or not ....but find that weekends are the only time available for me to do my things and stuff....sometimes i felt that i said i want to love you and thus loving people with your love .....but i am not doing it am i lying ....lord please forgive me me to overcome this ....guess i had a long way to go.....lord let your wisdom and love guide jesus name Amen!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Lord, i manage to finish my work

Dear Lord ,
Thanks for letting me able to finish my reports you know i have been having fear that i will not be able to finish ....and lord this moring i pray and remember a verse in bible ....i check it up now and write here....i dun really know the verse in the morning ....k i should waste no time ....going to my bible right now.....will be back....2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power ,of love and of self discipline ....Amen!Lord, let me be able to live out this verse ....may your love fills me till i cannot contain but will fills it over to another person lives ....may i be able to know that with you alone ....i know i am a conquerer ....lord i know that you will heard me and fills me ....lord empower, transforms me ,let me be able to conform to Jesus your name is glorify by the way i live my life ....In jesus name Amen!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Dear God what do i actually love to do

Dear Lord ,
Recently my friends had prayed for me and they think that i should seriously think about what can i do and love to do and stop wasting my time away .....actually i want to do drawings and paintings and handicrafts .....but lord i do not know how to start ....i had lost touch of painting and drawing ....and i love to do writing ....i want to be able to do these with you in the picture and glorify you with all these works of mine ......lord help me to be able to do it ......and lord how am i be able to make use of my time to the fullest .....lord please help me in jesus name amen!

Friday, June 5, 2009

God, Thank You For Your Grace

Hi Lord,
Sometimes i think i am such a stupid sinful person, and so worthless but you are still so full of grace for me .....dieing to give us life abundance .....what did you see in me .....and this make me want to really love you with all my heart, as i learn to love you more , i know i had learnt to love people, because as you had written in bible what i do to the people i am doing it unto you .....lord grant me the wisdom to love the people with a sincere heart and knows that is in giving that i am able to know the real value of love....then again i must give to the right persons with the right things .....not all people will have pure hearts ....we are sent out to be doves be pure in our thoughts but we must be wise too....knowing when to avoid the temptations and vices that we should avoid.....Lord give me this wisdom....Amen!

Monday, May 25, 2009

God, Bless my sister

God, you know what happened to my sister .....but thank God you are healing her ....and i know you will continue to bless her .....Lord ....i had so much to say to you then, again....i dun know what should i say.....i only knows that you already know all that in me .....guess i just want to continue to love you and lord let your plans for me unfold and let me continue my faith with you to be strong .....and well....yes i am still thinking of Quincey.....and i am praying for him and his girlfriend ......may their relationship be built strong in your love .....let them know that you are their anchor of their lives and their love for each other......bless them, dear lord....

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Dear God What should i seek??

Dear God,
I know i should not seek after money nor fame , but after your kingdom....loving the people and being a good testimony , i read in a book it says Our goal is not to live big, grabbing all we can for ourselves.Our goal is to trust God to live big in us as we give ourselves for the good of others - especially those less fortunate than us.Lord help me not to wallow in my own misery of not having enough but goes forward to do my bit for the community ....lord built me up that i will do my best at my workplace and giving my best for the clients that comes to my center.....Lord i want to continue to serve you with my heart and my mind, give me wisdom and guide me with grace that i know i can love all .....with Christ unfailing love .....lord let me continue to strive on in jesus name Amen!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

God, the resurrected hopes of mine

Dear Lord,
During the Good Friday Service, the worship leader had ask us what is the thing that you would like to cruisfy with you.....and then, on Sunday let it resurrected with new know what i need to crusify .....the feelings of wanting to find a man's love.....i should let go of the feelings of wanting to get attached so much....and enjoy my singleness, well i guess during the Sunday.....i was filled with love of christ in me ......the thought of being attached or single is no longer an i know that with christ love i could survived on my own and with His love, i could love others without wanting anything back....a tall and wide love .....with depth .....agape love .....i guess i just want to continue to walk with you .....holding your hands and with fear and gladness let your wisdom guide me in living my life solely for You are the one that matters.....In Jesus name,Amen!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

God, i am thankful

I am thankful that you had brought me so far, let me be able to let go of all those wanting to be love feelings and continue my journey with you .... i know that with your love alone i could be satisfield .....conitnue to uphold me .....especially i pray that you will let me be able to perform at my work place even when my good boss had been transfer.....
Lord, i want to thank that you protect and provide for my family and parents.....may they be able to see your goodness and come to worship you.....may my life be a testimony to them of your love for all of us .....
Lord help me to know that with you alone ....i could overcome every difficult situation in my life .....let me grow in my faith and love for you.....In Jesus name,Amen!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Well,God Uphold me ....

Dear lord,
U know the scizophenic side of me wants to believe that Quincey's girlfriend is actually me.....and that is untrue but the thots keep coming back.....lord please help me to shake off these thots, he leads his life and i lead mine......i should not have thought of him anymore because it do me no good ......guess he is never a good friend to me and there is nothing between us so.....really i need to let go and stop thinking of him.....i want to use my time wisely to do things that benefit the people and glory you.....lord allow me to have wisdom to continue to do things purposely for you....lord help me to concentrate doing a good job, being a good daughter and sister to family and being a good friend.I need you to uphold me in all things i do .....God help Jesus name Amen!

Friday, March 20, 2009

God, songs for you

Dear lord,
While working ....i have this song in mind, things in the past, things yet unseen, wishes and hopes that are yet to come true, all of my hopes all of my dreams i am giving it to you......yes lord i remember a time while at church i had kneel down and sing this song to you.....lord just let me say how much i love you let me of speak of your mercy and grace, and just let me live in your are my strength when i am weak you are the treasure that i seek you are my all in all.....i want to run to the altar and catch the fire , standing in between the living and the dead, give us a heart of compassion for a world without you so much Jesus love you so much ,how my heart longs for you longs to worship you forever ......let me shine for you....shine jesus fill this land with your glory and love .....lord, loving you always.....Sally (the lady whose heart,mind and soul belongs to you, fill me with the holy spirit to do your will....Amen!)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

God, Quincey had a girlfriend

Lord, yesterday i received an email from my sister , and well , she told me Quincey has a steady girlfriend.The first thought i had is to call my close friend ,shulan, to tell her.....well i don't really know how i felt....maybe confused is the word.Later in the night, i starts to wonder who is that lucky girl , and how does she looks like .....i think Quincey will love her alot, because Quincey is a good man ......well , in the morning i sms shulan and christine to tell them i am happy for him....guess i am really happy for him.....then, again.....i felt jealous of that girl....she wins his heart .....guess she must be a very pretty and nice godly girl.Well....hope that their relationship will be built strongly in the love of our god, You.....and lord i pray that Quincey will really have joy and peace living his life with this girl and they will be happy and lord may their union together give glory to you......Lord continue to bless Quincey abundantly, and lord let me not suffered heartache, but really be happy for him.....and lord bless me that i will journey through this life holding my hands tightly to yours and knowing that you will be strength and jesus name Amen!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Oh God i Had Spent Alot of Money

Dear Lord,
You know recently i have spent alot of money on a massage package for my mom and myself and lord right now i feel that i regret it ....but could not do anything .....lord help me to be able to clear the instalment smoothly and enjoy the package .....i decided to buy the package for my mom because i thought it was good for her ....and now she keep nagging at me that i spent so much money.....actually i really did spent alot .....Lord now i ask that your holy spirit give me the peace and joy to do my work faithfully that i will have salary to clear the instalments and start my savings plan by June .....Lord please Jesus name Amen!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

God, I really,really want a partner

Dear God,
I think i really,really want a partner to share my life with.But i want a partner who knows how to love me , and care for me......and i in turn know how to care and love him well....lord, if Kelvin is the one make him grow to be more loving towards me....and not only concentrate on work.....then again, i guess that he got a lot of girl friends other than me....since i lost my trust in him....should i continue to be with him....then again he did not make an effort to call me at all......Well,but then i do have feelings for him.....well,God i think i pray that if he is for me then change him if not let me be able to let go .....a bible verse i come across ....1John5:14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us- whatever we ask -we know that we have what we asked of him.....
Yes, whatever i ask must be in his will.....and if it is then i know that i will have what we asked of him.....maybe lord you are just telling me that you are enough for me and need not a man in my life .....guess yes, i know i will be complete in your love ......although a partner is what i really really want but i know if is in your will for me to have one will provide .....and if not i will also be glad to live my single life devoted only to you....Amen!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

God, Guys again....

Well, i had contacted Kelvin back....but he never make an effort to be with me....said want to call me but never return my calls....and Lord you know i know a new guy friend TanD who is not a christian ....and he is also not making an effort to contact me ....haha....i am so sad ....not able to love and be love ...and valentine's day is round the corner.....haha....but God i have you loving me and that is more than enough ....may i continue to love all of them with that of a pure love.Below are bible verses i remember from last week...try to type it out now....

Phillpians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and peition ,with thanksgiving present your requests to God.

Ephsians 2:10
For we god's workmanship,created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God had prepared in advance for us to do.

1 John 1:4
If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

James 3:17
For the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, peace-loving, considerate,submissive, full of mercy and good fruit , impartial and sincere. ....i thought i remembered six but i can only do four and is not very correct too....lousy Sally....the rest is ....i go and take a look....

Proverbs 3:5,6
Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

2 Cor 5:17
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation,the old has gone,the new has come!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Work - A place where transformation takes place

Dear God,
I had discovered that i am making changes in my attitudes and character through this work you had so kindly let me have a chance to do .....although work is heavy and there is a thousand and one thing to do .....i found that i am loving it .....which i had not felt for a long time.Lord, i want to thank you that you provide this job for me ......thank you for the good bosses (yes that includes the lady boss that i don't love).....guess i want to go deeper .....lord i pray that you open ways possible for me to get to study social work and be able take this up as a career know my heart and my mind .....lord , i had been so touched by everything You do for me .....and everyday i just want to continue to be transformed by your love and mercy for me .....never will i know how my future will turn up, but i am confident with You walking daily with me .....i know and i know there is a hope for me ......the dark days are over and a brand new Sally had emerge , i know You will continue to mould and transform me into the person that you would want to have in the kingdom of yours, for that i am grateful and thankful.....lord, may your hands be upon me .In jesus name,Amen!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

First Holy Communion at 2009

Thank God for speaking to me at church is a long time since i last heard you thank you...Below is what i wrote on YMM church web (forum page)....feel free to go there Lord i am so glad that you speak me to continue to seek you with all my heart, soul and mind ....allow me to grow in love with you deeply Amen!

Hi all,God seldom speak to me clearly as in He dun make himself heard easily to me but today he speak to me when i took the Holy communion.I had ask him to speak to me and thank God He did.Since i had always been troubled by money and relationship problems i had ask him to speak to me regarding the above at church before taking the bread ,then he spoke....

Take my body , the bread ,my provisions to you,food to fill your stomach (represent the food, money etc) and later the cup (my blood)represent the relationships that i had been seeking....and suddenly i realised that God had already provided for me all this while and till now he speak so clearly to me ....

And i am really glad that He spoke....His voice is the gentle voice of my own came from within and somehow i know and i know is Him who had spoke.Praise the Lord!Amen

Friday, January 2, 2009

How should we love??

Dear God,
You know i have diffcultity loving those that i don't like (i had been rather angry with my lady boss Alice)....and i find it so hard to love somebody that you don't agree with ....i had always had this problem that i can't love the people i work with .....and lord i think the problem lies with me because i wasn't able to agree with their ways ....i think i always want to think that i am right in doing the things which is not always the case.
Lord, help me to be less self-center ....that i should accept others working style .....and that their ways may be better .....lord you know my heart and my mind .....renew the ways i had always been hold on and lead me to a higher way of doing my work so that all glory goes back to jesus name Amen