Trusting You Lord, is it hard ?

Lord this morning when the pastor preach about wisdom of God .....and trusting in your wisdom , i start crying .....because in my mind ....i had always thought that whatever is going to happen to me is this and that ....and i know there is a part of me who refuse to let you in ....to let you help me to acheive more .....i thought i am the control of my life ....just take the example of loving Quincey.....and knowing so well that he is getting married .....i know is God's will for me to open myself for other good guys who will come into my life .....i cried .....becos i know that a part of me had stubbonly hold on that since i had love quincey so deeply ....i can't possibly be falling in love with others .....guess if i trust in you ....and my desire is to be married .....i should not be bonded by all these .....i should be free .....then again....i did try letting go ....i did try talking to guys that i know i like .....but too bad ....is always disappointments that i have ....and that include the relationship i have with kelvin.......lord, you know sometimes is not that i dun want to acknowledge that you are wise and you are in control .....but it also takes faith from us to trust you.....when we have put in so much, so much and what if in the end your answer is a no.....just like the case in Quincey....what will we do ....will we still proclaim that you are good, will we still want to partner with you to do good .....is trying for me ....but i know i am in refiner's fire ....and this diamond of yours will be an invaluable one, sparkling in the darkness ....giving light .....who will pick this diamond up from the dust .....only a man who knows the value of diamonds......A man after God's own heart and know why does this diamond shines .....