Thursday, August 27, 2009

Letting Go ....wasn't that diffcult afterall

Dear God,
After all the stuggles that i face ....i cried, i prayed, i bargained .....everything that i can possibly do ....i had done .....and i know and i know that i could not run away from the fact that Quincey is getting married ......sometimes we just had to pluck up all our courage to face something that we dreaded to face.....and sometimes when you think is impossible ....God make it possible for you ,right God ??
Well, i dun want if i could choose, to believe that Quincey is getting married.....but fact is that he had never called me .....nor want to keep me in contact .....the obvious fact .....that he does not have feelings for me,for all these years is a clear sign .....why must i lie to myself ....and keep finding hope from the bible to believe a untrue fact, this does not mean i am having faith , is jus denying the truth......i know that a part of me is behaving that way and another part of me is claiming isaiah 61:1-2 , knowing well that God will come to heal my broken heart and make me whole .....sometimes is not what you wants that matters , but how god is using your life for his glory that matters ....and for this i know that i must be strong .....and accept the fact that Quincey is going to be happily married and i should pray for his marriage ......his wife must be of good substance .....holy, pure , gentle , wise etc.....i know Quincey is a choosy man, he won't settle for someone who is not up to his standard .....maybe is God's standard for him.....
As for me .....haha.....the silly me who keeps writing nonsense not able to produce something of substance ......but i know God ,you, see me as a beautiful vessel of your love who knows and loves you .....and yes, although how diffcult it will be in the future i know and i know i have you ,God , whose hand i stubbonly cling on know that letting go and letting God wasn't as diffcult as it suppose to be.....Lord bless me !

Monday, August 17, 2009

God ,There is a time....

God there is a time .....that i thought Quincey would come to love me.
God there is a time ......that i thought in the end , i would be with Quincey.
God there is a time ......that i was so hurt when Quincey was leaving to Perth.
God and now this is the time ....that i am so sad that he is getting married....
But lord i know through it all.....i have You .....And you will carry me thorough no matter how tough is it .....i know i would be more than a conquerer ....Amen!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Quincey, lord bless him

Dear God,
I decided to switch on my laptop and write to this blog becos when i was lying on my bed trying to get sleep, my thoughts go to Quincey again.....i know i should not have mention him anymore but the truth is that he is so much alive in my mind and heart .....there is so much that i want to tell much ,so much.....
Cried again today while with cell doing worship, thought about the past ....knowing that the future i am not to include him into my picture anymore ......there are alot of thoughts .....his wife must be very pretty....very gentle .....very nice .....just like him .....i want to be their friend.....but guess Quincey had never want me to be his friend.....hope that one day i could see little Quinceys running around
My cell leader had sms us late last week that if Jesus were to come back again how will we live our lives today?Know what, my first thought went to Quincey.....becos before they left Perth they are saying they are going to heaven (they said living in Perth is like heaven)....and when he mentioned that ....i have this idea that Quincey is coming back ....haha just like Jesus coming back to earth.....
Sometimes thoughts can be so "creative".....naive .....yet i know i live in reality so there is nothing i could do.....
Seriously, if you ask me the question if jesus is coming back to earth how would i live my life ??i won't change anything .....guess ....i had already been doing my best for Him.....and guess i know He will be satisfield with me ....and i know there are still areas i can improve on guess i need to continue this walk with him with earnest prayers and repentance , making the most out of everything and with everything i have use it to glorify his kingdom.....guess that include giving my time, money,heart and life for Him.....Amen!