Letting Go ....wasn't that diffcult afterall

Dear God,
After all the stuggles that i face ....i cried, i prayed, i bargained .....everything that i can possibly do ....i had done .....and i know and i know that i could not run away from the fact that Quincey is getting married ......sometimes we just had to pluck up all our courage to face something that we dreaded to face.....and sometimes when you think is impossible ....God make it possible for you ,right God ??
Well, i dun want if i could choose, to believe that Quincey is getting married.....but fact is that he had never called me .....nor want to keep me in contact .....the obvious fact .....that he does not have feelings for me,for all these years is a clear sign .....why must i lie to myself ....and keep finding hope from the bible to believe a untrue fact, this does not mean i am having faith , is jus denying the truth......i know that a part of me is behaving that way and another part of me is claiming isaiah 61:1-2 , knowing well that God will come to heal my broken heart and make me whole .....sometimes is not what you wants that matters , but how god is using your life for his glory that matters ....and for this i know that i must be strong .....and accept the fact that Quincey is going to be happily married and i should pray for his marriage ......his wife must be of good substance .....holy, pure , gentle , wise etc.....i know Quincey is a choosy man, he won't settle for someone who is not up to his standard .....maybe is God's standard for him.....
As for me .....haha.....the silly me who keeps writing nonsense not able to produce something of substance ......but i know God ,you, see me as a beautiful vessel of your love who knows and loves you .....and yes, although how diffcult it will be in the future i know and i know i have you ,God , whose hand i stubbonly cling on .....to know that letting go and letting God wasn't as diffcult as it suppose to be.....Lord bless me !

God ,There is a time....

God there is a time .....that i thought Quincey would come to love me.
God there is a time ......that i thought in the end , i would be with Quincey.
God there is a time ......that i was so hurt when Quincey was leaving to Perth.
God and now this is the time ....that i am so sad that he is getting married....
But lord i know through it all.....i have You .....And you will carry me thorough no matter how tough is it .....i know i would be more than a conquerer ....Amen!

Quincey, lord bless him

Dear God,
I decided to switch on my laptop and write to this blog becos when i was lying on my bed trying to get sleep, my thoughts go to Quincey again.....i know i should not have mention him anymore but the truth is that he is so much alive in my mind and heart .....there is so much that i want to tell him.....so much ,so much.....
Cried again today while with cell doing worship, thought about the past ....knowing that the future i am not to include him into my picture anymore ......there are alot of thoughts .....his wife must be very pretty....very gentle .....very nice .....just like him .....i want to be their friend.....but guess Quincey had never want me to be his friend.....hope that one day i could see little Quinceys running around
My cell leader had sms us late last week that if Jesus were to come back again how will we live our lives today?Know what, my first thought went to Quincey.....becos before they left Perth they are saying they are going to heaven (they said living in Perth is like heaven)....and when he mentioned that ....i have this idea that Quincey is coming back ....haha just like Jesus coming back to earth.....
Sometimes .....my thoughts can be so "creative".....naive .....yet i know i live in reality so there is nothing i could do.....
Seriously, if you ask me the question if jesus is coming back to earth how would i live my life ??i won't change anything .....guess ....i had already been doing my best for Him.....and guess i know He will be satisfield with me ....and i know there are still areas i can improve on .....so guess i need to continue this walk with him with earnest prayers and repentance , making the most out of everything and with everything i have use it to glorify his kingdom.....guess that include giving my time, money,heart and life for Him.....Amen!

God , heal me

Dear God,
Today i received news that Quincey is getting married ....is not surprising right ??Because he had a girlfriend already so natuarlly the next step is getting married ....i should be happy for him....guess i really should ....the thing is that i cried because there is still pain in my heart ....lord let me say a prayer for him and his soon to be wife ....Lord may you bless this couple a loving heart towards each other , may their coming together glorify Your name, may they be united in their spirits and as they live together may they provide to each other needs, giving and helping each other to fulfill their destiny in You....let them have such wonderful time with each other and realise that yes,lord you have make everything beautiful for them....in jesus name Amen....Lord i say a prayer for myself ....lord help me to be sane in knowing that Quincey is no longer available .....and let me be able to let go .....guess i had try holding on too long ....is a love that is not love .....a decomposite love .....guess i am going to be ok soon....lord i also want to thank you for a great birthday....had a spa . prayer session and pastor Benny talk....sometimes i thought of my rainbow prayer ....sometimes i thot of things that i wrote .....and it always hurts me ....becos what i prayed is always not the answer that turns up to be .....Sally rise up ....dun turn back .....come a long way and you are still going to go a long way ok??God thanks for telling me that ....haha.....In jesus name Amen!

Money Again....

Dear lord ,
Yesterday i cried ....over the fact that my mom had commented that i stirred up trouble becos i asked for ang pao for my birthday.....
is money problem again.....lord when can i feel that i dun need to worry about money .....lord why must i choose money instead of you.....i think is becos i had no wisdom in spending my money .....had took up a arts course that cost me quite a lot .....but i think i want to do it .....maybe i should be more prudent but i am not.

I am so vain,God

Dear lord ,
Over the weekend i am so vain, i do manicure and pedicure , put face mask , buy clothings .....makeup etc. aiyo lord , terrible me ....but guess i am happily doing all this .....lord guess most important thing is that i remember that all these is make possible by what you had given me.
On a more serious note , lord i feel that i am not willing to give my time to help someone .....i had wrestle the thought of should i give or not ....but find that weekends are the only time available for me to do my things and stuff....sometimes i felt that i said i want to love you and thus loving people with your love .....but i am not doing it .....so am i lying ....lord please forgive me ....help me to overcome this ....guess i had a long way to go.....lord let your wisdom and love guide me....in jesus name Amen!

Lord, i manage to finish my work

Dear Lord ,
Thanks for letting me able to finish my reports you know i have been having fear that i will not be able to finish ....and lord this moring i pray and remember a verse in bible ....i check it up now and write here....i dun really know the verse in the morning ....k i should waste no time ....going to my bible right now.....will be back....2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power ,of love and of self discipline ....Amen!Lord, let me be able to live out this verse ....may your love fills me till i cannot contain but will fills it over to another person lives ....may i be able to know that with you alone ....i know i am a conquerer ....lord i know that you will heard me and fills me ....lord empower, transforms me ,let me be able to conform to Jesus ....so your name is glorify by the way i live my life ....In jesus name Amen!